100 words a day

He was handsome.  Too much so.  And popular, in that charming way.

She, slightly nerdy.  Smarter than she was pretty.

He, Big Man On Campus.

She, recently broken-hearted.

He, totally, unfathomable, inexplicable IN to her.

She, confused.  In disbelief, actually, of this.

But, she took the plunge.

And, she watched him score touchdowns; he read her thesis.  She brought him protein bars; he took her to the best restaurants in town.  Cool girls wondered what he was doing with her.  She wondered what she was doing with him.

And then one night, in a part-passionate-part-storytelling moment, he asked her what language they spoke in France.

And she knew.  The cool girls were right.  And, heart unbroken, she kissed him deeply.  And they never spoke again.

Someone once told me that I was “right up there with turkey and football” in terms of what he most looked forward to about Thanksgiving.

Might’ve been the nicest compliment I have ever received.  Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday.  There are no presents.  There is no god.  No billion-watt lawn extravaganzas.  There’s family, and food. There’s laughing, and (only if you want) praying.  There’s an abundance of thanks.

I’m thankful to have once meant so much to someone. Someone looked forward… to me.  For that, I am grateful.

Thank you for the advice on [feeding; the birth process; marriage after children; tax-deferred education funds; the best in prenatal vitamins; sex on our sides], but I do not know you. At all.

I’m sorry to hear about [your fear of your upcoming epidural; how your baby changed your body forEVER; your 20-year-old’s new nose ring; your husband’s new 20-year-old] but I don’t know you. At all.

If I want advice, my mother will let me know I want it and she will let me know what it is, I am sure.

And, please, Kind Stranger, stop touching my belly.

Why why why can I, at any moment, know PRECISELY what is happening with anyone I have ever (or never) known?  There are people on my Gchat I‘ve never met.  Yet, I know when they are “Bored!” I know their politics (through links to other’s politics).  I know who’s feeling :- ) and who’s feeling ;-(

(These are feelings now?!)

Twitter?  Pardon my not giving a hoot about your ham sandwich for lunch.

Facebook!  My ex-cousin’s (long story) new fiancé repeatedly asks me for money, because she’s “Training hard!” and updates me about that and “her cause”…. constantly.

Tell me why.

Immediately.

I’m an attorney.  I’m bored when I say that.  I’m a dancer and a weekend napper.  I’m an improvisational comedian, a lover of the dinner party, an often-uncontrollable giggler, and desperately awkward in front of my bossman.  I’m a fiancé, most times a good one.

I love to “love running” more than I love to “go running.”

I love bad television and good books.  I cross my fingers when I write a check.  I love letters and send them often.  I hate the telephone, and use it never.

I’m a rule-follower: I counted, rewound and hyphenated, to make this 100-words-for-toDAY.

What did I learn after spending three weeks with middle school students?  I learned that many students cheat on tests, even the bright ones.  I learned that some parents will back up their kids no matter what – even if the student was caught red-handed.  Which is sad because those parents really give their children a disadvantage and the real world will be quite a shock when mom or dad aren’t able to fix everything.  I learned that kids are into sex and drugs very early.  And I also learned that there are many respectful kids who try hard to succeed.

No, I didn’t fall off the face of the planet.  But I did find myself running low on time and energy during my three week stint as a full-time teacher.  I enjoyed teaching and having my “own” classroom during those weeks but found that some things had to be placed on the backburner as they say.  One of those was writing my 100 words.  But after a break for the holidays I am ready to go again.  Not that the holidays are all that relaxing.  And of course, our family had to have the mandatory, first week of vacation flu.

The worst thing about this long-term job is that I won’t be able to take my own kids to school or pick them up from school for the most part.  I am so used to taking them to school, speaking with their teachers and being involved on a daily basis.  Now I won’t even be able to attend their holiday parties.  I feel like I will be letting my kids down or abandoning them.  I know it is only temporary, many people do it everyday, but for me it is hard to let go.  My mantra - It’s only temporary.

So, I agreed to work as a long-term substitute at a local middle school.  What was I thinking?  The money will be nice.  Substitutes don’t make very much but a steady three weeks is guaranteed money and it’s at one location so I will get to know all the students.  But middle school?!  And it is right between Thanksgiving and Christmas so the energy level will be high but the focus level will be low.  On the other hand this will be a great opportunity for me to decide if I want to be a full-time teacher or remain part-time.

I hate Christmas!  Why?!?!?  Because it is a stinkin’ two month long holiday now.  Forget peace and goodwill, its just buy, buy, buy.  On Holloween night, after trick-or-treating with my kids, I was subjected to my first Christmas commercial.  In October for goodness sakes!  This weekend there were numerous Christmas commercials, one even featured Santa.  No holiday should last two months.  Its insane.  So my personal pledge is to not shop in any stores that force Christmas down my throat in Oct. or Nov.  And I plan on spending less this year, not more.  Bah Humbug! No more commercial Christmas!

I enjoy substitute teaching.  I thought I would prefer the lower grades, but actually high school is a little easier.  Middle school can be tough because the kids are just getting the hormone rush.  They can’t decide if they are kids or adults yet so you get a mixture of both.  The nice thing about high school and middle school is that they have periods so if one class is difficult you know that they will be moving on in fifty minutes.  In elementary school the only break you get is lunch - if you’re lucky and don’t have yard duty.

As a parent I have to attend many school meetings.  As I look around the room I always feel different from the majority of the parents around me.  I hear them talking, observe the way they dress, the way they act and they remind me of my parents.  Everyone seems so much older than I am, so adult.  In my mind I am still in my 20’s and I don’t feel “grown-up”.  Sure, I have kids, a house, responsibilities – but I’m not “old”, not like the parents around me.  And then I wonder – maybe everyone here feels that way too. 

I have a fantasy.  Sometimes it takes over my day and I will spend hours searching the internet dreaming.  Rarely does a day go by that I don’t check my favorite website to see what is new and if anything has changed that might make my fantasy come true.  Is it a hot stud I fantasize about?  Brad Pitt maybe?  Nope.  It’s a house.  One with enough bedrooms for each child, a kitchen which doesn’t isolate me from the rest of the house, a garage so I don’t have to scrape ice off my windshield and land for many animals.

My birthday is one week away. Today my husband asked me what I was doing next week. What’s your schedule next week, he asked. I told him I was working on my birthday and on Thursday.

Take Thursday off, he said. I can’t. There are no subs available that day and unlike most jobs I would actually be missed. You can’t have class without a teacher.

Well, he huffed, don’t say I never do anything for your birthday. I tried.

Really?! My birthday is the same day every year. But now somehow he turned it around to be my fault.

“We really need a vacation”, I said.  We haven’t ever gone on vacation for more than three days and its been a couple years since we’ve even done that.

“We have no money for a vacation” was his reply.

Maybe if we didn’t go to so many baseball games over the summer and NASCAR every year we could put some of that money towards a vacation that the whole family would enjoy, I said.

I like going to the games better than a week long vacation, he said.

He knows I hate baseball and NASCAR but apparently that doesn’t matter.

My new pet peeve is those stickers that people put on the rear window of their cars that show who is in their family.  You know the ones.  They have stick figure Dad, Mom and kids all lined up in order.  Sometimes even the dogs and cats in the house are included. Often the name of each family member is written underneath the stick figure.   

But what is the purpose?  To advertise your family?  To announce to predators how many kids you have and what their names are?  It seems to serve no purpose than to say “look at me!”

I am horrible with change.  I’m not spontaneous and I can’t make quick decisions about pretty much anything.  If you give me enough time to think about something I can come to a decision and feel comfortable about it.  In fact, I won’t change my mind back after I have made a decision.  But give me a situation where I have to make a quick decision about a life altering change and I hesitate and usually say no.  Often this isn’t the right decision and many times I regret my choice afterwards.  I need to be more decisive and spontaneous.

I read the post by Cesika regarding marriage and how do you know.  Can you ever really know?  It is a leap of faith.  In the beginning you are giddy with love.  I think its impossible to keep that initial feeling.  Day to day life wears you down.  If you are lucky and work hard at the relationship it will hopefully sustain.  There are days when I can’t imagine life without my husband and days where I want to run away and never come back.  People change and there has to be a give and take or resentment sets in.

When I was accepted to write for 100wordsaday I was so excited.  My mind raced with all of the things I would write.  Now, here it is weeks later and I am just sitting down to write for the first time.  Its not that I didn’t want to write, I just couldn’t find the time.  How sad is that?  Its just 100 words, not a novel.  In any event, I’m here now.  Should I share my feelings and fantasies?  Should I vent all my frustrations?  Should I share my life and possibly bore you with the mundane details?  Stay tuned.

I am a full-time mom and a part-time substitute teacher.  I had been a stay-at-home mom for the past ten years and when my youngest entered kindergarten I decided to go back to work part-time.  Like I don’t have enough to do already.  Being an only child whose parents did not offer extra-curricular activities  I had no idea how much running around is required when you have kids.  So now I work at my kids’ school, work at other kids’ schools and then run my kids around to various activities.  I’m still looking for something that is just for me.